Crushing Guilty (c) 2007 RUNNER UP VH1 Song of the Year 2007 Contest

Verse 1
I never felt this way
His face makes the world melt away
I wish I understood why it feels so good
And why watching him would make my stomach drop a foot

I just stare at the screen
Knowing we might never meet
Thank God, I can Tivo everything
I’m pausing at the love scenes like some sort of freak

He’s just so damn sexy
Even if he’s almost forty
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m crushing so guilty

I feel so incredibly lame
Whenever I Google his name
Memorized his profile on IMDB
Man, I’m really crushing guilty
Verse 2
I started to worry
When I read he liked his privacy
The best part of that day
Was finding out he wasn’t gay

I’m getting off on bad headshots
Watching crappy, late night guest spots
All his movies go straight to DVD
But I can’t help myself, – he’s such a hottie

He seems really balanced and kind
Maybe he doesn’t mind
That he’s playing the lead
In all of my fantasies
Maybe its just par for the course
When you’re kinda, sorta, nearly famous

Verse 3
Maybe he’ll get tired bangin’
That bony-assed, vacant-eyed, model girlfriend
Maybe he’ll dump her for someone who’s funny and sweet
No longer date a moody bitch who won’t eat

I really hope summer hiatus
Will give me some healthy distance
I will try to show some restraint and reason
Well, at least, until next season

If you were dead

If you were dead
Then I could grieve
If you were buried
I could still believe that you still loved me

With you deceased
It’d be a great relief
This concept doesn’t just work for me
Cuz dead men don’t feel guilty
Dead men don’t feel guilty (4x)

Verse 1
Looking down on your grassy grave
To the world, I’d look so brave
Despite your untimely demise
I’d find the will and strength to survive

Rose-colored memories
I could remember you fondly
Death would give more finality
Than knowing that you’re living your life – without me
Without me (8x)

Verse 2
Accepting its over is harder for me
Than crying over your dead body
And the dearly departed
Are naturally cold-hearted

Nothing says closure
Than you six feet under
I’d rather have you rest in peace
Than knowing that you’re living your life – without me
Without me (8x)

No, No, they don’t (2x)

Built (c) 2007

Man, I really love these things
(It’s) making my life so sweet
Free drinks making me hazy
Having fun with the ladies

With a big chest like this
I (always) get moved to the top of their list
Who’d’ve guessed, yes.
The power of the breast

Verse 1
It’s amazing what I get away
When I’m built like this
No more waiting in line
When you have a set this fine
No ounce of padding in sight
What you see is 100% mine

Everybody’s got your back
When you’ve got a nice rack
The world is so sunny
When men spend all their money
And it’s never a sin
To use a smile and the twins

Verse 2
Every night, I’ve got them staring
At this low cut top I’m wearing
Oh, these double D’s in a plain white t
Definitely ready for the VIP

I bet their hoping it’ll rain
And that wouldn’t really be a shame
This cleavage reminds them of pale silk
Have all the boys thinking, got milk?

Verse 3
All these guys, their cash they’d give up
For a chance to feel me up
This girl’s gone a little wild
But I’m not givin it up Mardi Gras style

No one can hold a candle
Cuz I’m told I’m more than a handful
Sometimes it’s a hard to shoulder
When your cups run over
But I wouldn’t change a thing
Cuz I know I’m green

Drain (c) 2007

Verse 1
Tricked by a normal disguise, no surprise
Trapped on another date with another weird guy
I’m slowly but surely losing my mind
Cuz he’s got those hearts and stars in his eyes

They find me fascinating, captivating
But my patience is quickly fading
I can make conversation with a shoe
But instead I’m stuck here talking up another tool

Chorus (2x)
Nanana, nana, nana, nana
Nanana, nana, nana, nana
Nanana, nana, nana, nana
Another date down the drain

Verse 2
I’m getting kinda lonely
For a friend and lover to fill the void in me
I seriously need a little more
Than what’s hidden in bottom of my bedroom drawer.

A recovering romanticBecoming jaded and sarcastic
Lord, help me from going insane
Cuz It looks like it’s another date goin down the drain

Verse 3
Self-absorbed is my overall impression
Cuz you haven’t asked me a single question
Geeking out about your video game obsession
Or describing your last breakup as the Great Depression

I am feeling so defeated and blue
I’m ready to throw the towel in and say I’m through
Especially since I won’t go all the way on the first date
So at this rate, I’m never gonna get laid

Don’t use me for immigration
Or a breeder for your next generation
I’m not a source of motivation
Don’t reduce me to your arm decoration

I have to fight the temptation
To go off and vent my frustrations
I think my only salvation
Will be to take a dating vacation

No Such Thing (c) 2007

Verse 1
With minor alterations
I’ll leave behind my frustrations
I’ll reach my destination
With a little renovation

Don’t question my motivations
I need no explanations
I have no reservations
Only high expectations

I need to take a deep breath
My nerves can’t handle much else
As I’m standing naked
Brutally deconstructed

I’m here to make a change
Revealing myself feels so strange
And (but; cuz) it’s no holds barred
If I’m determined to have it all
Turning over a new leaf
Improving my current reality
When I have lofty dreams and agendas and goals to achieve
There’s no such thing as pride or modesty
No such thing

Verse 2
I wanna do over and second chance
To advance, enhance and get that second glance
From the kinda guy I’ve always tried to attract
He’s been waiting for the girl of his dreams
Hell, that could be me

Putting the past in a box on a shelf
To be the best version of myself (with a little help)
These scars will fade, but I don’t care
As long as I’m not the same

I’m going under
Rolling the dice
And I gotta admit
The total loss of control feels so nice

I gotta trust I’m doing the right thing
As long as I awake, pain and bills I can swing
I’ll replace my disappointment
With the gift of a lift to be 110%

Verse 1
A better lover than a friend
Which is why it had to end
You were dumb and insensitive
Throughout our relationship

We couldn’t have a deep conversation
But while it lasted it was so much fun
Doing things I never thought I’d do
And the polaroids are proof
Oh, oh, oh-ho. Oh, oh, oh-ho. Oh, oh, oh-ho.

Verse 2
You never said the right thing
But the sex was always moving
All the dirty things I’d say
Whenever we would role-play

I was always in the mood
Doing things with toys and food
In that sexy French maid costume
And the polaroids are proof

I never really loved you
Never even really liked you
You were the worst boyfriend
But the best damn lover I ever had

Maybe treating me bad
Was the best aphrodisiac
You made me a nymphomaniac
And the polaroids are proof of that

Verse 3
You never knew my mind or my heart
But you were Kama Sutra smart
Knew my body inside and out
And we would never go one night without

You made me feel good naked
And I was never ever fakin it
I was always sexy
I was always ready
I was always kinky
I was always cool
And the polaroids are proof
Oh, oh, oh-ho. Yeah!
Outro (verse)
Oh, God – the polaroids!
They’re out there, somewhere
And they’re so hard to get rid of
You can’t burn them
Cuz the smell’s so bad
The whole neighborhood knows
You’re burning naked pictures of yourself
Oh, God!

Get Over (c) 2007
Verse 1
Not the same guy I fell for
Not taking this shit anymore
Your ego is real big
(Too bad it’s not your dick)
And there’s nothing left to fix

Get over yourself, Go off yourself (3x)
Get over yourself, Go fuck yourself

Verse 2
I’m wasting all my time
Going at this night after night
I’m feeling so screwed
(By a lousy lay like you)
No ring is worth this abuse

Verse 3
I don’t wanna keep coming around
Cuz I don’t like being put down
I don’t wanna chase after a sunburn
And get nothing in return
But hurt

Suzanna (c) 2007
Verse 1
Suzanna, you’re so pretty
Such a jaw-dropping beauty
You’re passing all the boys by
Cuz it’s the girls that catch your eye

Suzanna, all the things you say
So smart and so sexy with foreplay
Your honey voice speaks my name
But you’re a girl, and that’s really a shame

Suzanna, Suzanna
You ask me everyday
But I keep telling you I’m not wired that way
Even with a little more liquor
I don’t think I’d reconsider
Suzanna, Suzanna, Suzanna, Suzanna (yeah)

Verse 2
Suzanna, You’re my best friend
And I don’t want that to ever end
But when you lean in and kiss my cheek
My resolve and knees want to go weak
Suzanna, You’d be first in line
If I ever changed my mind
Cuz I’ve gotta come clean, you’re a real dream
Too bad I don’t bat for your team

Verse 3
Suzanna, I don’t wanna be evasive or rude
But I’m just not that into you
I don’t swing that way
But a girl like you makes me sorry I’m not gay

See, I’m caught between the bar and you
And I’m not sure how to handle your attitude
All the experimenting I should’ve done
But I don’t know if kissing you should be one

Late (c) 2007
Verse 1
I am rushing – from place to place.
I am anxious and red-faced.
I’m late again,
And I don’t know when
I Lost track of time,
And got so behind.

It’s not a joke – or slight,
I am sweat-soaked and chest tight.
It’s not a sign – of disrespect.
I’m drowning in this regret.

Late – is a tick
No pill can fix.
Excuses flow,
All white lies, I know.
Apologies – won’t set me free.
Cuz there’s no one to blame but me.

Verse 2
Have to hurry
Pick up the pace.
I am running in a constant race.
I’m always late, so late
But I’m always worth the wait.

Endless stress,
Hopeless mess.
The calendar mocks me,
Something’s missing.

Now I’m the one who’s waiting to see
If it’s gonna be more than just you and me
There might be a plus
I can blame both of us.